Ahhhhhhhhhh...

I haven't posted in the last several days, because I have felt like crap. Charity says I am delicate, and as much as I hate to admit it, she may have a bit of a point, at least as far as my Immune System is concerned. I have had a nasty sore throat, and yesterday it was bad enough that I only ate soup. I went to bed last night with a splitting headache, and was not happy about today's prospects, considering the escalating nature of my throat issue this past week. Today I wake up, and I was suprised to realize I felt much better. MUCH better, Thank you. I barely can feel my throat, the headaches are gone, and the mild fevers have left the building. I am not delicate today. I may have gotten the job at the Coffee Shop next to Toasty's, but I won't find out till tonight. Here's hoping. I needs more money for college and Nice Things™ for Charity.

12th Night.

¡Warning! This post will likely be bitter.

So today ended my 12th day of consecutive work sans any days off. Two nights ago, work tried to drive me insane and failed. Gave it it's best shot, but fell short of the mark. I was not concerned about today. Until it began to repeat the other day. I won't even go into details, suffice to say that they need a way to genetically determine IQ prenatally, so we can Abort the Stupid. But I digress. Towards the end of the night, one of my employees,* Dee, overheard me mentioning to a Regular that I applied for a job at the Coffee Shop next door to the Toasty's. Before she found out that I was looking for that job in addition to, as opposed to instead of, she told me I couldn't quit Toasty's because she didn't want to work for anyone of the other leads. I was her favorite person to work with. And if need be, she would quit and go to the coffee shop, too.

I was quietly floored. That was the nicest thing that has ever been said to me professionally. And it couldn't have come at a better moment. Turned my night clear around, it did. I told her that I wasn't leaving Toasty's, and that I was looking for more hours in addition to what I already have.

So, the night was starting to look clear after all. It had even stopped raining. Yay, I can go home, grab a quick cup of Chamomile tea, feed my Pirate, and go to bed with my beautiful Charity, and sleep a happy sleep.

But Wait!!!!

As I am putting the finishing touches on closing the store, my cell rings. It is my mom. Probably asking to know what time I will be there. Yep. However, she is antagonistic from the very beginning, so I assume she's had a few Cape Cods. She then proceeds to eviscerate my good mood by informing me that the only reason I was coming to attend the multi-birthday party** tomorrow (which is directly responsible for me getting 12 days in a row of work, due to rescheduling to attend) was to grab presents, and leave without thanks or giving in return.

Wow.

In so many words, she told me I was a pandering bastard.

Maybe I am. It is my fault that I work two jobs just to stay broke. It is my fault I can't even afford nice things for my Charity, let alone myself. It is my fault I barely make my rent payments a month, with little extra to pay my P.O., phone bill, and the future expense that my going to college is going to incur.

It is also my fault that I didn't marry a man that is able to single-handedly support me, and 5 of my children, and then constantly hen-peck him and treat him like shit, especially after he buys me a $35,000 Brand Fucking New Mini Cooper.

Yep, I am a bad son. Even though whenever she needs manual labor around the house, I am over there to do it. Or at my grandmother's house. Or to help my cousin move.

I called my grandma to tell her that I might not make it. She asked why, and I related. She was silent, and then she told me what was going down. Apparently I look a lot like my Biological Father (whom I have never met, and was led to believe he was dead until a year ago), who was very mean to my mother after he found out she was pregnant with me. And so all of her resentment for him gets piled on me.

Way to go, Mom. Two Thumbs, WAAAAAAAY up!

I told my grandmother I would head out that way if I felt better.


*Yes, I have two of them, Dee & SloMo™ I occasionally feed and water them, and for the most part they behave. SloMo needs to be disciplined with the Squirt Bottle on several times a week.

**the Multi-Birthday Party is used to celebrate all of the following birthdays in my family, which fall between mid-December and mid-February: Uncle, (late)Grandpa, Me, Sis, Grandma, Cousin.

Now this is just Freakin' Hilarious.

I was given the link to Tshirthell.com, and I found this t-shirt. All things considered, it is too freakin' funny.

10070XP!!!

I finally have a Parrot on Ze Pirates! His name is Jack Sparrow, and he kicks ass. Thank you.

Oh So Yummy. Creamy Potato and Kale Soup

Last night I made soup. And not just any soup. GOOD SOUP. I am going to write the recipe down here until I can find the book that I want to use to write it down. That, and now that it is on the Internets, anyone can try it. It is delicious. I am not sure what to call it. I downloaded from the Internet the recipe for Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana soup. But that has meat and chicken stock in it, and Charity is a vegetarian, so I altered the recipe to be vegetarian. It turned out really good, so I don't know if the name still applies. So I will rename it.

Creamy Potato & Kale Soup. How about that? Works for me. Anyways, here is the recipe as I made it:

Creamy Potato & Kale Soup (Vegetarian variation of Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana)

Ingredients:

3 Yukon Gold Potatoes, sliced ¼inch thick, bite-size pieces (skin-on).
3 or 4 Purple potatoes, sliced ¼inch thick, bite-sized peices (skin-on).
3 or 4 Kale leaves, chopped into bite-size peices, stalk removed.
1 medium yellow onion, diced.
1 cup finely choped freen onions.
2 tsp minced garlic (or more. you can never go wrong with garlic.)
3-4 TBSp Vegetable Base (to taste)
Approx 6-8 cups water
1 cup Heavy Cream
Vegtable Oil(olive)
Salt
Pepper

----------------------------------------------------------

• In a large pot, add a sufficient amount of oil to fry the yellow onions until nearly clear. Add about 2 tsp of fresch crushed peppercorns to the onions.
• Add the minced garlic, and fry for an additional minute or so.
• Add potatoes, vegetable base, green onions, and enough water to fully submerge the potatoes while leaving enough room for the kale. (about 6-8 cups). Simmer for 15 minutes, or until potatoes are tender.
• Add cream and kale. Bring back to a simmer, and simmer for 5 additional minutes. Salt and pepper to taste,

Should serve 5-6 people. Or 2 people who eat like pigs for two days.(That would be me and Charity.)

Making dinner

Yep. Exciting post. I am posting to let the Internets know that I am about to log off to go cook some dinner. I suppose I should be thankful that the drama at work is resolved. Oh! Wait! HEROES IS BACK TONIGHT!!!!!!

Whoooohoooo!!! That will be aw3some.

Laterz, internets. I gots soup to craft.

I am warped in the Brainal area.

It occured to me yesterday that Life hates me, and when I bitch about my job in my blog, Life makes things worse at my job. It got worse last night. So now, instead of refraining from posting about the crap that happens at work, I have decided to develop a sick fascination with just how bad things can get. So, there you have it. I will post every sordid detail. Every bit of Stupid the customers dish to me, as well as all the crappy gay-ass backstabbing that the Day Crew employees are sending my way.

The Day Crew Lead likes to bitch at me for supposedly wasting my time talking to customers. Customers that tip when they feel they are treated nicely, by the way.

FUCK YOU, Day Shift Lead. I have seen your 18 year old self flirting with a 50 year old repeat customer for a $5 tip. Go fuck yourself. Or better yet. Fuck him. He might give you $10.

Thank you, Internets. This has been. Bitter, Burnt-Out Theatre.

Tune in Tomorrow. I might have snapped and punched a customer by then. Gods know they deserve it.

P.S. And just because I am sure you want to know, Internets. I am 3 b33rz down. This job at Toasty's has officially driven me to the drink.

Gay.

Lemme tell ya...

Internets? Let me tell you something. Pull up a chair, and kick off your shoes. Here we go.

After a long evening dealing with USDA grade AAA Certified Organic Fresh-Picked Stupid, one feels like killing things. When one gets this urge, there is a simple, non-violent method of dealing with these feelings. Simply grab your girlfriend, Mad Charity Roberts, and set her on the couch, preferably with her legs draped across your lap. Add one (1) hookah, and turn on reruns of Star Trek.

Charity makes everything better. The hookah is icing on the cake. I don't feel like killing aymore. I just wanted to let you know that all of you who don't have a MAd Charity Roberts of you own.... Sucks to be you. I got her, she's all mine.

I have to point out a bit of amusement. This is her last post. In it, she makes reference to me looking just a tad like Adam Ant. Nothing wrong with that. I was flattered. Anyways, I got to looking at the picture she posted of Adam Ant, and of the picture she posted of me. Now, look at his picture, and then check these ones out.














either one of these pictures is even closer in pose. But, maybe this one is the closest of them all...



I suppose all I have left to do is get famous and have a large following and a 20 + year musical career. Hey, it could happen. After all, Adam started on bass, too.

I will now empty my brain...

First of, today is my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday, Nanners! I got a phone call at 10am from my mom, ordering me to get out to Garden Grove before 12pm, to surprise my sister by attending a secret birthday luncheon at the Olive Garden. Scrambled to take a shower, and proceeded to nearly break both my brush and the hair dryer in frustration (my hair does not like the hair dryer, Internets). I rolled up right abouts noon somehow, just behind my sister, dad, and grandmother, all of whom arrived within the ten minutes preceding my arrivial. So, timing was good, hair was semi-fabulous. Dad has some business to attend to before we go, and then we pile into two cars. My bro driving one, my mom driving her car (with me in it). Bro gets lost following us (red light) and is ten minutes late getting the rest of the party to the Garden. Finally we all get there, and our waiter was the most Fabulously Gay Dude smoking the MOST Crack Ever. So. Gay. So. Cracked Out of His Mind. It was very entertaining. As a parting gift, because we felt sorry for him (my family trashed the table) my dad spoke with the manager, and piled high the praise for our Gay Crack Fiend Waiter. Here is what the table looked like as we all sloshed (all you can eat soup and salad bar, baby!) away:

Do you see the spot on the table on the right side, halfway up, where there is only one napkin and little clutter? That is where I sat. I almost have table manners. I also had almost 7 bowls of Soupa Toscano. Oh so yummy. We(the Royal, that is) shall be looking up the recipe toot-sweet, and will convert it for vegetarian use.

Immediately upon arriving back at mom's house, I had to make a bee-line back to San Pedro to get to work.

Work was, how can I put it. Like the Devil Himself came up to me, bent me over, and shoved nine inches of purple veigned Stupid straight up my arse, sans lube. And He didn't even buy me flowers or tell my I was pretty.

So many stupid people, and a couple of rude ones at that. I am amazed I haven't lost it on one of these people yet. I mean, it is an easily replaceable job, and it pays minimum wage, and I hate it. How the hell have I managed to continue to keep my cool? I am supposing that I must really be maturing (How the Fuck did that happen?).

Good night, Internets. I think I shall go to bed soon. As soon as all the ice tea I drank wears off.

Battle of the 3xXx0rz

In this corner, weighing in at 180lbs, we have, T3h 3xXx0r. Previously the 0wn3r of Black Aengus MacGuiness, and currently a bitter, bitter woman on the run from a stalker in Louisana.

And in this corner, weighing in well over 200lbs, we have Mr. Jesus™. Formerly(almost) married to Mad Charity Roberts, and currently the b1tch of a Tr@nsv3stit3.


Who will be the winner of the Bringer of Most Drama? The 3xXx0r. she made my life a living hell for 3 years, and then proceeded to try (repeatedly) to sabotage my relationship with MadCharity. Can we say Poor Loser? I think we can, Internets.

However, Mr. Jesus gets his consolation prize: Bringer or the Most Comedy(at his expense). Mr. Jesus™ did in fact make an ass of himself last night when he came to the apartment of Roberts & MacGuinness, Esq. to collect some of his belongings he had left there. Besides being cowed to submission and civility by the mere presence of myself(I don't get it, either.), he made referrene to his Mannish-He/she?friend as a transvestite. Nice. Apprently he still reads Charity's Blog, in which we pointed out that the woman had a suspicious bulge in her throat, right abouts the spot where a man would have an Adams's Apple. Said picture is removed from her profile, and the profile is marked private now. Does someone feel threatened? No clue. But last night was hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in a while, despite what Charty says about me being prone to explosive outbursts of mirth.

It was a night well spent. Maria's Mexican Food was delicious, and there was much cuddling, and more than a little fondling happening as Charity pointed out that she was still technically married to Mr. Jesus™. I am in fact the fondle-er of other men's wives. Take that.

:-) #3

hooray for Morning s3x!!!!! Especially when it is Earth-shatteringly good M0rn1ng s3x.

Kitchen Sink - 2, Aengus - 0

Day before yesterday, the kitchen sink stops up, which in and of itself is not an unusal occurence at the apartment of Roberts & MacGuinness, Esq. Normally a plunger and 30-45 seconds of effort is enough to remedy the problem. Normally. However, this time, a plunger and 30-45 seconds of effort was enough to rupture the seal between the drain and the sink, and thus created what we in the Plumbing Business call an Oopsie™.

Not to worry, I am good at installing and reparing sinks. Why? Ren Faire. our botth back int he day was the shit. Hot and cold running water, and a stainless steel double sink. Portable. Potable. Made by Aengus. So, drunk on my own self-delusions of Master Plumber Status, I go purchase a new strainer and a spanner wrench. Which would have been fine. Had the building maintenance man not been a complete idiot. The Damn Fool™ slathered the threads in plumber's putty. That stuff puts super-glue tio shame, especially when the part that is now stuck is also spinning freely in the sink, and so there is very little leverage available to use to break the thread-lock.

Current Score:
Sink - 1, Aengus - 0

Well, in my struggles, I also see that the sink is damaged right where the seal used to be, before my plunger evicerated it (just like in the 3x's novel!). I determine that a new basin is necessary. Home Depot and Lowe's were consulted for prices. They don't have the sink I need. Most sinks have holes in the back for the faucet to be mounted. The Apartment of Roberts & MacGuiness, Esq. was built roughly in 1900...B.C.
And being just one historical event short of being a National Historick Landmark, the faucet is built into the wall above the sink, kind of like the kind that most people have in the set tray in their garages. And so our sink does not have the holes. Well, No one apparently sells the sinks without holes unless they are made to be installed under tile, which is a $300 sink. The nice $40 sinks that are what I am looking for... Only have the holes.

Sink - 2, Aengus - 0

W34k.

As Mad Charity just told me on the phone, it isn't that big a deal. Having holes in the sink that go nowhere wouldn't be out of place in our Ghetto Chic Digs. However, because I have the sink at least working from the other basin, we aren't in a rush, and therefore I can spend a little more time trying to find out where I can get a new sink, that doesn't have the damn little faucet holes.

And in related news, I get to install a new cabinet for the bathroom sink. More plumbing! More Man-Stuff™! I get to regain the Man-Points™ that I lost in my failed battle with the Kitchen Sink. In true man fashion, when I get beat by something, I then go beat up it's little brother to make myself feel better! Thumbs Up!

My Birthday

January 11th, in History. At least, the history that struck me as worthy of repeating here.

1. 1922 - First use of insulin to treat diabetes in a human patient.
2. 1935 - Amelia Earhart is the first woman to fly solo from Hawaii to
   California.
3. 1949 - First recorded case of snowfall in Los Angeles, California.
4. 1963 - The Whisky a Go Go night club in Los Angeles, the first disco in the
   USA, is opened.
5. United States Surgeon General Luther Leonidas Terry reports smoking may be hazardous to health. First such statement from U.S. government.
6. 1973 - Beginning of the Watergate burglars trial.
7. 1995 - The WB Television Network begins operations.
8. 2001 - The Federal Trade Commission approved the merger of AOL and Time Warner to form AOL Time Warner.

I like how my birthday is responsible for such tragedies as the WB, AOHell, and Disco. I'm sorry, folks..

Last night...

I ran into Rich again. Rich is one of my regular customers at Toasty's, and always orders a variation on the same sandwhich. Changes it up just enough to prevent me from making it up without having to ask him anything. Which tends to frustrate me just a little, and amuses him to no end, I think. But more important than that, Rich has become a VERY good friend in a very short amount of time.

I don't know how old Rich is, but I would imagine mid to late 60's. He is a retired doctor, and a holder of three doctorates. Three. Pretty damn awesome. but none of that is really important. What is important is that he always makes time to ask after my affairs, and to spend a few minutes having conversations that run to time in the army, events that he has been through, and offering simple insights that are really profound much of the time.

He reminds me of my grandfather, who would have celebrated his birthday the day before yesterday. I miss him a lot. I don't think I realized just how much, until Rich came along and started to make me feel similar to the way my grandfather used to.

I told Rich that he was one of the factors that encouraged me to begin pursuing a medical career, and he was really flattered and touched. It made me feel really good that he felt that way. It is strange to me how relationships, both romantic and platonic, can seem to spontaneously erupt in the most random of circumstances.

Especially in my case. I am not knocking the circumstances that created this friendship, nor the ones that created my relationship with my Beloved MadCharity. I am just gratefull for them.

And speaking of Mad Charity... This woman truly makes me feel like a king, or someone else of great consequence. Every night when I arrive home from work, she gets up when she hears my key in the lock, and when I open the door, she greets me with hugs as warm as a summer day, and kisses sweeter than any honey. I can't explain how perfect life is in those moments. Any problems I have had, or any negative emotions I harbour are gone during that moment. There is just her, and myself, and perfect love. She makes me so happy.

Stupid Legal Crap..

Well, several months ago I changed my probation information to reflect my new address and phone number. And they finally called. So now I must start paying $100 a month again to them. This will put serious crimps in my plan to save up money to go to EMT class next winter.

Lame.

I hate you, 3x. It is times like this that I wish I had never met you. Although I suppose it was equally my fault for being so stupid and niave as to ever trust a word that was ever issued forth from you mouth.

Death will come to you on swift wings of Vengeance.

To every member of the Local Stupid Union, which apparently had it's Annual Dinner @ Toasty's...

I hate all of you. Every person who walked in the door today except for my one repeat customer, who is cool. All of you sucked. All of you tried your damnedest to be as indecisive and picky as you could. May you all be infested with the fleas of 1000 Stray Jackals.

I really, REALLY. Hate. That. Job.

I didn't in the beginning. But I want so much more, both for myself and for my woman. (I called you my woman, baby. ;-))

I think I will look into maybe a waiter position somewhere. I like the tips. And it can't be any worse. At least until summer kicks in... Please please please let spring come soon...

Epiphany.

I was at work this evening. That's right, the menial, non-skilled, minimum wage-paying job that is usually reserved for teenagers. In fact other than one lady who I seriously doubt has her green card, I am the only person there old enough to consume alcohol legally, and only one of 4 able to buy cigarettes if it pleased me (which it doesn't). As you may well imagine, I am not terribly happy at that job. I may not be the brightest bulb in the candelabra, but damn it, I am educated, and relatively intelligent.

I have always told myself I haven't gone to college or tried to get a career situated for myself because I couldn't keep a job for more than a year or two before quitting our of boredom and finding something else. And so I haven't really ever pursued college, or even trade schools, because I was afraid to waste the money it would take to attend the college/trade schools.

And then it occurred to me today.

I am not avoiding college because I can't hold down a job. I am failing to hold down jobs because I have been avoiding college, and I am restless because I am letting my chances to make something better of myself slip away. I don't think it matters what path I choose. The fact that I will be challenging myself would be more rewarding than anything. And I think I have in light of my little epiphany, found a vocation that I want to follow.

I am sure you will all either

(a.) tell me I could never succeed at it.
(b.) tell me I am too old to start
(c.) laugh and think I am smoking the Fine Crack™

I want to pursue a career in Medicine. I was talking with a couple of Ambulance Drivers, and found out some cool information. I could take for a couple hundred dollars, night courses to get my EMT cert, work on an ambulance or in an ER for a couple of years making pretty good money while saving up to get my Paramedic cert. After that, I would have the option of going to Med School.

I haven't thought that out yet, but the idea is appealing. but the EMT and Paramedic certs are very much within my scope of attainability, and Med School wouldn't be impossible if I devoted the effort to fixing my credit.

Fact is, I like the feeling I get when I help people in any way I can. It is a worthy life, and I think I could procure many Nice Things™ for my family. Because I have a Family now. It's time to make myself into a Provider for them.

Rhymes with Duck.

Fuck. Corijo. Jebem. Cao. Fottuto. Fourche. Schtup.

Okay, all better now. I have spent three days searching for a damn Mortar & Pestle, and traveled all over the Peninsula. Finally found it. And for cheap, too. But I was frustrated. So there.

Random.

It occured to me today, as I sat at work, that I should like my blog to look and operate like the LCARS* system on Star Trek: the next generation. Yeah, I'm that kind of Geek. Now, it wouldn't be hard at all to get it to work on HTML. AT least the look of it. A little PhotoShop works wonders. The problem is that it won't do all the neat Animated Shit & Sounds™ unless it is done in Flash. I do know a little Flash. I did in fact teach some of the basics to myself. But it would in fact take A LOT of knowledge to get a good Flash site done up like LCARS. I have looked a couple of sites that have resources on them, so I might just have to do it. I imagine that I will have to actually by a domain name and create the software from scratch, because as far as I know, no blogging utility runs on Flash yet. Hmmmm, I think I might have just had a good idea. Back, all of you! I officially copyright my idea! I'll sue!!! Arf!!! Grrrrrrr!!!!! I will gnaw on the bones of your dead aunt, twice removed!

*That's Library Computer Access & Retrieval System, yo.

P.S. I am tired & wired (caffeine). That is not an apology for this post. Just an explanation, as I am in charitable spirits tonight.

Well, that was fun...

Well, here we are. Jan 2nd. 2007. About Damn Time. As you all know, 2006 was trying to kill Charity and me. It failed. But it came damn close to killing me. Especially it's final attempt on New Year's Eve.

My New Year's Eve included:

16.5 hours spent on the clock at both of my jobs.
Vast amounts of idiots.
Extremely drunk Asian lady in a wheelchair puking before she even got on the boat.
Extremely drunk lady with bad fake boobs proclaiming her lust at me for the hour trip home.
Drunk lady that we had to arrest for endangering passengers.
Sleep Deprivation.
1 quasi-black cat sleeping on my head(that one wasn't so bad.).
Other People's Drama @ Toasty's.

It was in fact exciting. But New Year's Day was awesome. Charity and I lounged about the house like Royalty, watced the Rose Parade about 17 times, and also finally, watched her Christmas Present, Pirates 2. Which was t3h Aw3s0me. Just letting you know. But you already knew that, because we were the last people in the free world to see it. Yaaaar!!!

Well, here's to a much less stressful year ahead.